Just Call Me Mrs. Dictionary

Two more amusing school stories to make you jealous that you don't spend your days with 15 year-olds.

Two weeks ago we were reading out loud in class and the word "bosom" was in the text. I don't even remember what the context was, but it wasn't an inappropriate focus at all. A boy in the front row (nice kid, outgoing, answers questions, gets along well with everyone, overall a great kid) asks, "What is 'bosom'? That's twice this week I've seen that word."

Several others laugh and call out, "You really don't know what that is?"

I turn to him and look thoughtfully for a second, evaluating if he's serious or just trying to be a punk. I decide that he really is serious, so, after a short pause, I put on a serious face and say in a monotone, "Breasts. Boobs. Mammary Glands."

Someone exclaims from the back, "Hooters!"

"Inappropraite!" I retort back and focus on getting us off this subject and on to something that matters.

Story number two. Today I was talking about growing up on a farm, and after I commented that we had cattle, one student asks, "Did you have to casterate them?"

"I didn't but my brothers did."

Groans go up across the room from many of the guys. Then the same kid from the "bosom" story asks, "What's casterate?"

Again, I pause, wondering just how to answer. "Well," I begin, "It's when you cut off a certain part of a bull that they won't be needing..."

But before I can finish the new kid (sophmore who has to retake this semester of English 9) tosses aside the emo/skater kid hair that covers half his eye, looks over at the questioner, and says, "It's when they cut the balls off."

"Well, that would be one way to put it, yes," I answer, turning back to the board to get us on track again. Someone needs to buy that kid a dictionary.